Friday June 27 2014

So today was a good day. I mowed the lawn for my grandparents so I could earn some money for my moms birthday present, not sure what I'm going to get her but I want to get her something. Also finished my friends chibi drawing AND got to bronze 2 in league of legends. If I keep moving up I'll be out of bronze in no time. I am so excited for this and today was really nice. Can't upload anything else so I'll upload the drawing, well actually I made it digitally but yeah ha ha.

Monday June 16 2014

I hate this feeling. This empty feeling which plagues me and no one gives a damn. My mom writes it off as hormones and it may be but I think it could also be more. Why does no one care about me? the only time I get recognized as anything other than 'lazy, stupid, annoying, loud mouthed, arrogant, bratty, bitchy, mean, cruel , vindictive, violent or anything else' is when I do art. Why is it that no one cares about me except when I paint them a pretty picture or draw them a cute image? Am I really that bad? does no one see that I hurt and I'm alone and that all I want is to be noticed and cared about. My mom is always gone and we hardly ever talk or do anything together. My friends always end up leaving me or ignoring me. My grandparents are never really there for me the only one that ever actively seeks my attention or my help with anything is the dog. Why does everyone think I'm so useless? I'm almost 18 and I feel as if I'm still five. I feel isolated and useless and unwanted. I hate this feeling but I've had it since I was little. Is my pain warranted or is it my imagination? Why cant I keep a relationship going? why do I always break up with people with in a month when I want affection... What's wrong with me? 

Sunday June 15 2014

So today was fathers day and honestly, I couldn't care less. My father was never there for me, and when he finally contacted me when I was fifteen years old, he thought I was 18. So I guess that makes me twenty right now? I'm about to have my twenty first birthday? Sweet I can legally drink. To top it off I met my cousin after dealing with him and found out that non of my cousins knew who I was, all after him telling me how much he talked about me. So no, fathers day doesn't matter to me. I did give my grandfather a card though. I at least had one man in my life who was there as a father figure. My grandfather had always been there for me when a women's touch just wasn't enough. 

Saturday June 14 2014

So i spent the day sad because I was supposed to hang out with a friend of mine and he got sick so we ended up canceling. However I guess that's okay because my league of legends was working so i got to spend time playing on that and I made some really... well interesting friends. I don't really know how to describe them other than interesting because honestly they are so weird but really fun to hang out with. I hope I get to spend more fun times like this. I also added a couple more pages to my jail book and am still thinking on how to continue my other blog stories, i like writing them it's just im in a very large block ha ha. 

Tuesday June 10 2014

So i went to the pool with my sister today and ended up stepping on an earing that was in one of them.... Yeah that hurt. First thing that happens to me there is I step on a sharp object. The thing went into my foot and hurt kinda at first but now it really hurts. My sister called me a woos but i dare her to step on something like that, why is it little objects always hurt more? Plus then her lame friends showed up and made fun of me because while im the oldest I look the youngest. God that pissed me off. I ended up leaving I just couldn't take it anymore , my sister stayed till closing though. I guess I don't like people who can't find anything funny that isn't cruel. 

Monday June 9 2014

Today was decent except my head hurts. Worked on my breathing techniques for singing today and learned some more Japanese. My problem with that is now my head hurts as i mentioned already ha ha. i'm picking up on languages really fast and it makes me happy. The more practice at it I have the better I get. I can learn new phrases in a day now verses in a week like when i started learning German. If I can get as good at German as I am at Japanese I think I'll be happy. Next language to tackle will be Korean, i think I already have that alphabet down though so that's going well too.

Sunday June 8 2014

Today was a decent day. I was going to go to the park with my sister but there were a few people there I couldn't stand so I left her there with her friends and I headed home. When I got home my mother and I went out and bought some flowers for her garden, got some gas and some soda. I like spending time with my mom. She wanted a new pot for the flowers so we dropped those off at home and then headed out and bot a pot, since it was pretty hot out today we also went and got some coffee, for her, and my first Malted shake. i have to admit, I think I'm in love ha ha. Well then the internet got fixed, it was down for a day since the cat decided to swim in the fish tank then soak the modem. But all is well I suppose.
It's becoming more clear every time I think about it that I'm going to be a senior well, am a senior actually, and I guess I just have to suck it up and except it. On the bright side though my sister says I'm starting to look old enough to look like a senior. Well that was my day ha ha. Wish people would comment it's no fun having no one to talk to.

Friday June 6 2014

I don't know. I guess I just get tired of being told how useless I am. I mean okay today wasn't a bad day or anything, in fact my ex senior told me Congrats since I am now officially a senior since my junior year is over... but I'm still sad. My best friend has decided that even though she makes plans with me and some other friends, she isn't going to hang out with us instead she is going to blow us off for her boyfriend. At the same time my girlfriend is getting neglected and I don't know what to do. I like her but I'm not sure how much, since I don't honestly believe in love.
On that note, is there really anything such as love? I mean honestly? I don't really see how there could be, I guess that I feel strong passion for things like animals and family but I don't see how there is such things as 'true love' or 'love at first sight' if there was... wouldn't people be happier? I don't know maybe that's me dreaming.
On a brighter side though, I was recording my singing to day and despite the static in the background I have an actually really good singing voice, in my own opinion that is. I'm happy since I don't think I've ever really liked my singing voice. Well yeah that was my day mostly ha ha, well that and my friends and I took a bunch of pictures of my last day as a junior.

Wednesday June 4 2014

Okay yeah I'm sitting at home, didn't have to take finals today or tomorrow and I'm bored. Is this like a precursor
 to what my summer is going to be? I really hope not.