Thursday September 25 2014

I am officially a month into my Senior high school year and I do believe I've heard the words; Really, Seriously, you must be joking and or No fricken way over fifty times when people find out I am a senior. I know I look young but I don't look that young. Though being a senior has made me smile I think I like the fact that I have seniorites. I of the oldest kids of that school, I am one of the smartest, and quiet frankly, it makes me feel better about myself. I've been there four years, I know the ins and outs of that school, I've taken a freshman who has never even been to my state before under my wing for mentoring. I will be leaving behind my mark on that school. I am going to pull off a senior prank. I am part of the thespians club. I am in a college class. I am getting ready for college. I am acting as a leader to my peers. And because of all of that, I feel accomplished. This year is the year I cast away all my dark depressing thoughts, the year I've stopped giving two shits what people think of me, the year I express how creative and happy I am. The year I may just bash that moron in the face with the chair he wont stop leaving alone. (Might, I don't want to get into trouble but god its tempting.) People always told me my senior year would be better but College would be great and I would feel better after high school that I wouldn't be a timid shrew. I find they are right, I find that I have become more me now that I'm reaching the end of puberty. Now that I'm about to step into a new chapter in my life my self confidence is growing with every step, my will to leave my mark on the earth is too and I feel fucking fantastic. School leaves me barely any free time and I feel happy as hell. I don't think I've ever felt this good before now. I love my senior year.

Friday September 12 2014

Since school started I've been busy. I actually Enjoy my 121 College Algebra class (shocker) and pretty much every class. I guess I don't look forward to going to history but its not bad. I don't really look forward to German either but the girl who sits next to me, Kari, she is really nice and I love talking to her. None of my real life friends have a clue when my birthday is (October first) but a ton of my online friends are wondering what I'm doing for my 18th this year. I don't know what  I'm doing. Honestly I think I'd just sit and play a Montague of video games with my gamer friends just to spend time with people if I had the capability but my gaming thingy is broken so I'm screwed there. The guy I liked deserted me, my little sister is being a bitch, and my mom is poor so we cant go out. I hate being poor but its part of life. However I did find out something interesting about my College choice of major. Apparently at the College I want to go to the Acting department is very dirty and sexual thanks to some fucked up teacher. My Drama teacher this year was telling me what it was like when she was there and how the teacher that she had was still there. I'm worried because I'm going for a duel Major in Dance and Acting. I'm scared that I'll ended up with that creepy ass teacher. Like what do I do if he tries to get me to do something creepy like suck some guy off or something? God that's nasty, if he is so obsessed with sex maybe the man needs to get laid and stop pushing it off on the rest of us. However I guess if I can humiliate myself sexually on stage I can do just about every other type of bull shit that an actor should be able to do. However I'm very shy sexually so that doesn't really bode well for my acting career. Also I've decided to open my own dance studio so then again it doesn't really matter .

Monday September 1 2014

Been doing alright I guess. My friend stabbed me in the back after dating my brother, oh wait I called that. I'm not really upset about that Actually as each day goes by I keep having these random ass epiphanies about my life. For instance as I wake up each day I'm starting to pull free of my depression and I just feel better about myself and my life. Some times I get those I'm useless as hell' moods but right now I'm okay. Plus I keep figuring out what triggers my anger so I'm getting a hold on that as well. I'm a really happy person right now. Now that I'm letting go of my anger more and my hatred for human kind I feel better. I've also got a group of people together hoping to work on a senior prank if we pull it off at least in twenty years for the reunion we will be able to talk about something interesting. I'm curious to know what that will be like.  I really hope my friends and I pull off our prank but mostly I want my senior year to be my best year. If I could have a steady boyfriend through the whole year I'd be beyond happy but I'm not sure if I'm emotionally ready for that sort of commitment. I'm just now busting out of my shell and doing stuff to make myself more me, such as cutting my hair, changing my clothing, small things like that that make me feel more unique. I'm starting to feel better about myself and my life and am getting further away from the computer, which is why I haven't been posting, sorry for those who actually care XD. Mean while I've also been working on my dance. It's not really work though because I LOVE to dance. I don't mean a little I really love dancing so I see nothing wrong with dancing ANYWHERE I am. I love dancing so I guess I found my passion, now time to see if I can make a living of it. Ta ta till next time Lovelies.