Friday, August 8, 2014

Friday August 8 2014

I think I am finally in love. Maybe ha ha. I don't know. Is it love when you can't get them off your mind? When you want nothing but to please them? When, even when they are gone, you want to be with them. Then to have them feel that too? It feels like a fucking story book, to be able to say my senior year of high school that I finally know what love feels like.  He makes me smile and makes me feel wanted with out making me feel smothered. He knows what to say when I'm beyond pissed and knows how to make me laugh and calm down.
Granted the relationship is long distance but we are both hoping it works. We've been hurt before, we know this, and we don't want to hurt each other. That makes me smile too, that he can be so open with me and admit that he has self esteem issues when He puts up such a play boy attitude for everyone else. When he doesn't like something he tells me and I can work it out with him. We don't hide things so far and we've been really good about trying to understand each other.
He doesn't pledge undying love to me or any of that crap like I've heard before, he knows we might not make it and he admits that he is scared of that. I like him for that so I really hope this works for once. I haven't felt this light in a long time, I still wonder if this is what they call love though. We've known each other two years and just the other day he admitted he might love me, granted for the past few weeks I was thinking I might love him so the news came of great joy and surprise. I guess it makes me laugh.
I also ended up getting into a fight with this stuck up snob of a bitch and he was going to go in and flip out for my sake. When I'm upset he gets upset and it makes me smile to see him try and act all he man for me. He is also really soft and tender and I guess it makes me smile too because again, while he acts all macho he lets me see the part of him that worries and is scared and it is really sweet. I really like him and I hope this can last ha ha. God I feel good right now.
Also I might add that I just read through all my posts recently and god this is like such a bipolar mood switch XD like one minute i'm saying I hate men the next I find a guy who actually is worth my time aren't I just strange.
I am head over heals in love with him he is just so sweet. 

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